Life: An eternal dusk

 

Somewhere amongst the ticking human beings all around, I have been ticking too…ticking fast and non stop, keeping pace with life. A voice from within keeps reminding that life is too short…that there is so much more to do. On the one hand, there are dreams to chase. On the other hand, there are memories to record. The ability to watch my own self…my own life, as if I were watching a movie, is a precious gift. In that way, I have always felt special. Everything black & white transforms into a brilliant riot of colors in my mind.

My emotions of elation and pain have always been extraordinarily intense and deep. They have always sought an outlet, and the only gratifying outlet has been in writing.  I have often wanted to revisit the journey of my life so far, capturing it in words. To me, recording my memories and thoughts is as enriching as chasing my dreams. As I record my memories, there is a greater understanding of who I am…a greater reverence for the soul that thrives within.

My childhood was a world of tranquility and bliss. It is that world which still echoes within me. I love listening to the echoes of an entire universe that I seemed to have tucked away into my mind as a child, for they help me rise above the turbulence and chaos of the world around me.

The transition to adulthood was a little earthquake that woke me up from a long slumber. Like a flower that spreads out its petals to the rays of the morning sun, I opened my eyes to yet another beautiful world. The early years were full of sunshine, gentle and mellow…and I basked in it. The later years brought in the first bouts of pain. Perhaps that was when I really awakened to adulthood. Like the rays of the afternoon sun, pain burnt me, and awakened me to my own self. As day progressed, the sun set and dusk was yet again phenomenal. I had survived the rays of the blazing sun, and dusk brought with it the same tranquility I had experienced as a child…just that there was the memory of a day within. With dusk, the world turned beautiful yet again…perhaps more so, than a world awakening to sunrise. The setting sun was the God, and the world seemed to be engaged in silent reverence of the sun. I sat in tranquil reflection of the richness of the day gone by…

“I do not mourn all that I (and this world) have lost, but I value all that we have lost.

My ‘present’ is a persistent tribute to all that we lost. My present is analogous to a tranquil, yet spectacular dusk- a slow transition from a bright and promising day into a dark and quiet night. It is a collection of moments, where day is fading, and yet hasn’t disappeared…where memories from the day are fresh and beautiful…where the fragrance of the day lingers, and builds a spirit of optimism, that lights up the darkness of the night subsequently, promising the return of yet another dawn, yet another day.

If a spectacular dusk didn’t segregate day from night, the world would have come to an abrupt standstill; the beauty of the day would have been lost upon us. Dusk…a slow ‘letting-go’ of the day. That is my present. It is never a mad rush to an uncertain future; it is a slow letting-go of a beautiful past. It is a persistent tribute to a past, where the past is an emotional world that is coming to a close in the real sense.”

Like a bird that slacks its pace as it descends and then rests upon a tree, the feel of the flight lingering, the memories of the sky fresh and beautiful, the sense of freedom persisting…

My present is a glorious sunset that connects me to the beauty of a day that is receding.

My life is an eternal dusk…"